Day 2: Discovering Art in the Wake of Trauma
Beware: Potty Mouth
Disclaimer 1 & 2:
I make no excuses for my potty mouth. I've been nice.
I am not a licensed professional (anymore), this Substack is written purely from my own personal experience. I am not giving you advice or providing any consultations as a professional.
Ok, now that's out of the way.
If you or someone you know is experiencing life threatening danger or self-harm, please contact your local authorities and or seek mental health services.
After the Stroke
I was partially paralyzed on my left-side, and sore as hell. All I can remember is that the pain felt all over my body was indescribable! I thought, “was I hit by a truck”? Everything was so painful. Everything hurt, except my head: the headache was gone. My eyes. My eyes. All I could see was shapes, shadows and colors. Like that of a kkaleidoscope.Sh@! am I losing my sight?!? Instant fear “tried to overcome me”.
Almost instantly self-blame entered my thoughts; but immediately, with my background, I stopped that shit immediately. Yep, I was over weight, yep, typical Black woman with high blood pressure, diabetes, high triglycerides, a damn statistic in the wrong way, but wait, I was a vegatarian. You know, vegan/vegetarian, walking almost everyday, eating “right”! WTF!!! How did this happen?? Nope! Not going down that road! NO, NO, NO! “OK, where do I go from here”?
This is me handling my own self-care, and sanity.
No one handed me a paintbrush.
I remembered it on my own—an echo from my past life as a psychotherapist. I used to introduce art to clients as a way to process emotions during difficult transitions. Back then, I knew it worked for others. I just never imagined I’d need it for myself. Gotta get a grip before the dreaded anxiety and depression try to take over. “Not today”!!
After the stroke, everything felt foreign. I so confused and I was frustrated, overwhelmed, and tired in ways I’d never experienced. One day, I thought: Maybe I should try what I used to recommend. Mental and emotional well-being to the rescue.
I picked up some cheap paints and paper. My first marks were awkward. But I wasn’t trying to make “art.” I was trying to see if I still had anything left to express. I tried to type, “maybe I'll write about my story”. Nope, fingers weren't working well enough to type. Sh%! Ok. What now!!!
To my surprise, after a couple months, I did pick up a brush. Not because I had skill—but because I had something to say that words couldn’t quite hold.
Art wasn’t magical. It was practical. A grounded, accessible way to make sense of my new reality. It gave me space to feel—without pressure, judgment, or structure. Just paint. Just process.
It all began, and y'all I haven't shared this before, with my toe nails! Yes, I said my toe nails. Imagine, you're the doctor, you walk into my hospital room, and there, right there, I'm invisible to him. He stands, waiting, “where's the patient,” says this doctor 🙄. Hello, I say, “hello, hashtag I'm the patient”!!! He's shocked 😲 after viewing my MRI, he's lost for words at the “brain damage”, and I'm sitting 😳 up, painting my Toe nails!! 🤣😂🤣 Well, my doctoral education taught me about brain plasticity and I immediately knew that the sooner I begin rebuilding those neurotransmitters, body brain connection, the sooner I'll begin my healing. My Hubby and I laugh about this today, but it wasn't funny back then, it was scary as hell.
Anyhoo, I’ve been painting ever since.
See, practical information, nothing over the top. I'm just a woman who suffered a stroke and using what I got to paint. #Imanartistnow 🥰
If you've gotten this far and you're one of my “financial supporters”. Please know that I really appreciate every single dollar. What you don't know, is my amazing Husband of 34 years lost his job 1 year ago. 😒 We're surviving. Things aren't looking great. But, we're ok.
Your financial support really does go towards helping this artist purchase supplies to continue painting and entering exhibitions as well as selling art. I'm a full-time artist now, all monies I earn supports my continued journey.
Thank you for your support and love. 🥰🥰
Prints of some of my “in the beginning” paintings. NFS. Not for sale.
My new website is in the works. Come have a look.
https://www.cohart.com/artworks/30170?utm_source=9796&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=artwork-link-share&utm_content=30170